brown shogun classic: 2021-2023

I couldn't stop thinking about physical contact anxiety so I made a video log about it


I decided to just talk about what I want to do with a girl when I go on a date. I've never done this before, even in a journal, and I feel like it's because I still have a deep sense of hesitation and embarrassment regarding physical contact. So I guess as a form of therapy, I just outlined what I'd like to do on a date lol.

I guess a lot of dudes tell me this stuff is easy but it's been way harder for me than approaching. I probably just need to give it some time and just keep trying to get more dates and give myself permission to suck. But I'd really like some advice and guidance. I want to get good at escalating instead of spinning my wheels in conversation, which I can do for hours.

Posting a quick note here after a chat with a friend.

"You need to stop thinking with your brain and think with your heart and your dick."

Yeah, I've literally never done that in my whole life before. Even cold approach is pretty "brainy" because most of it was just telling myself it was okay to do it and then just going up to a girl and calling her hot.

I feel like my primal energy is low and I'm just super cerebral about everything. I think the only thing that gives me some sort of "manly rush" is working out basically hahah. Maybe I gotta do some sets of pushups before going out to fuel me or something so I can switch my brain off and go into primal mode.

Also my friend said I need to learn how to relax. This was actually a little profound for me because I realized my default state is being tensed, and relaxing is always a conscious decision I have to make. So when I'm out with a girl I need to just *physically* relax and de-tense my body.

(also did 2 more approaches when I was out eating dinner but nothing notable)

Back in Nashville for the weekend.

I went out with my friend and I approached girls but I was pretty slow at it. But I guess it's a huge step up from the last time I was here where I literally had to just force myself to walk into every establishment and do nothing for 5 minutes and I didn't really talk to anyone at all I suppose.

Honestly there were only 2 really notable approaches.

One of them I should have just done legit nightgame on. There was a chick who (I didn't realize) was a few inches taller than me and immediately after I hit on her she was like "you aren't intimidated that I'm taller than you? how would this even work are you gonna stand on a stool to kiss me". I was like "no I don't give a fuck I think you're fuckin hot". We had a conversation for a lil bit and I got her number but I don't even care about that. I thought about it like after 1 minute of leaving and I was like holy fuck she wanted me to keep going and making moves on her and I almost feel like i literally blueballed HER by not going for it right there. Or at least I should have continued to talk to her and chilled instead of just dipping with her number.

The other one was kind of strange. There were these girls playing this card game where they went up to random dudes and did silly dares. They came up to me and told me to hand my phone over and they will call the last person I called. So I did, although the person didn't pick up. Later I saw them kiss a random dude, and I was like...hold on. I decided just to go up to her and be like "yo give me a kiss" and she and her friends were like "whoa!!!!". I said it was my "card" and that she needed to do it but then I got shit-tested HARD and her friend was like "show me your card! Does it say 'ask a single girl to kiss you'???" I guess they didn't understand my metaphor but I decided just to eject because it was kind of retarded haha. But I did this "approach" because I knew I would be hitting myself if I didn't, so that was on them haha.

I think I need to stop doing daygame at night. I feel like doing daygame strats at night on a girl who is interested in you is literally blueballing her. As far as I can tell from going out at night a lot, any girl who is actually interested in you wants you to lead her and make some moves, and asking for a number is literally just ending the interaction, so from now on I'm gonna stop asking for numbers without making any moves on girls. This is going to be WAY HARDER than regular daygame but I have to do it.

Olafsmash wrote: ↑

Sat 2021-09-04 18:27

"Really wish there was a "Physical Contact Anxiety Program"
There is some of this in the AA program. Gll also has its own program for bars which teaches you to touch/devolop "killer instict" (ala being more aggresive)

Yeah I think I should check out some of these drills specifically. I feel really solid up until it involves physical contact past hugging. Like I can pretty much just go up to any girl I want (day or night) and talk to her now, but what next?

This was 2 nights ago.

I went out with my friend again to Broadway at night and did 9 approaches? But I decided to get buzzed as well haha

Later we went to a Mexican club somewhere else and I was able to immediately put my arm around this one girl and we started hitting it off but I didn't escalate from there and she found some other dude on the dance floor. WHERE'S MY KILLER INSTINCT AAAAAAAAAAAA THIS ONE WAS LITERALLY HANDED TO ME

I was a bit bummed and the night would end with me getting totally plastered because I hit a gravity bong twice like it was a vape, having the worst fully-conscious high of my life (I couldn't move my limbs or body at all), and I ended up puking in that girl's car

青春がすばらしいなあ

(also gonna stop doing rolling stat counts, i think it's really distracting from my main goal which is literally to Get Laid)

I was at my mom's for a week and decided to use my time there as an opportunity to take a step back and evaluate what I've done in the past few weeks.

The confidence I've gained from approaching girls, and the realization that *I* am the driver of my own car led me to believe that I can actually make my "pipe dreams" happen, and that I don't need approval from my parents or friends about what I choose to do with my life.

My pipe dream is to move to Japan for at least a year, play music live at dance clubs and shows, and busk during the day on the streets playing the drums.

I wrote the following general "main plan" with some starting tasks to do:

Become a minimalist. Get rid of as much as possible.

• Sell it on Facebook Marketplace
  Pawn it off at McKays
  Give it away
  Toss it

Continue to approach girls in the daytime.

• Builds confidence
  You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take
  PUSH FOR INSTADATES. Number is a last resort.
  Go for highest volume possible. High volume -> more dates
  In 3 weeks with ~100 approaches, you got 2 dates

Continue to go out at night.

• Don’t bother with numbers.
  Physical Contact Escalation
  • Hand over girl
    Go for the kiss, aggressive not smooth

Get back into music production (with the aim of having a live show)

• Start 365 project to spend 2 hours a day in Logic Pro X
  Give yourself permission to suck, even though you’ve been making music for 9 years. It's new software (to you).

Get back into playing drums (with the aim of busking)

• Obtain a drum kit (just kick, snare, and hi-hat)
  Take it out on Sunday to busk practice.
  Give yourself permission to suck.

Pass the JLPT N1 in December 2022 (with the aim of moving to Japan in 2023) (I wanted to try N2 at the end of this year also, but apparently registration closed lolzzzz)

• Find JLPT N1 study materials
  Develop a study plan

Get yoked

• Learn how to eat 3000 calories a day with minimal prep and minimal consumption effort/time
  Create a workout plan to help you get BIG (hypertrophy, rather than strength)

Work smarter

• Work 3 hours a day (including meetings), with NO distractions
  • Set specific goals that you MUST finish in the three hours for that day

I'm also interested having an accountability partner to help me stay on track. We can discuss each others' goals and it'd be really awesome to have someone to motivate me, and someone for me to motivate. DM me if interested.

Also I really think I'm not making my life any easier by remaining in my small city. I talked with a friend in Nashville and he said he's willing to let me stay at his house for a month if I split rent with him and his roommate. So I plan on making that move within the next 1-3 weeks.

His roommate is also a Tinder pro and pulls 18 year olds regularly, and is a professional videographer and said he'll help me with my online dating profiles when I get over there.

@MakingAComeback

I PM'ed you my deets, but I'm not sure if you got it because it seems to be stuck in my outbox. I'll check back in a few hours to see if it's still there.

As I said, my 365 project is to spend 2 hours a day writing music, and uploading whatever I did regardless of how good or how bad it is.

Here's my entry for today:

Trying something new. I narrowed down my specific goals, and I'm going to try to make sure I make some progress on each of them everyday. This is in order of priority, and I'll be switching them around as needed.

Become a minimalist
More random sorting through my stuff and deciding what to toss. I really need to amp this up a bit more because I'm going to move to Nashville next week.

Get Laid
Didn't do anything today. I was out, but only for gym and errands. I should probably make an effort to approach at least 1 girl if I don't go for a session. Idk, this seems to have taken a bit of a back seat for a while because I am way more interested in my other goals right now (as opposed to last month where I basically only focused on this goal and ignored my other hobbies/goals).

I'm definitely going to be way more serious when I get to Nashville, but I still think I need to at least go out and do some approaches. I'll try to do some tomorrow (I didn't even attempt any today so I don't know how my AA is).

Get Jacked
Gym:
- Bench Press 5x5 - 145 lbs
- Weighted Pullups 5x5 - 15 lbs
- Cable Crunches 5x15 - 67.5 lbs

Food:
I have had a lot of trouble trying to figure out the easiest and least time consuming way to eat 3000 calories (while still getting my macros and micros). Plugged this into Cronometer and got something decent

I went out to Whole Foods and bought all this so looking forward to actually gaining some weight finally and not plateauing so soon on my lifts.

Have a live show with my music
365 project entry:


Really want to get faster at using Logic Pro X, but I enjoy using it despite being slow.

Work smarter
My goal is to work 3 hours, distraction-free everyday. This is extremely hard because I have like 5 other things going on and I'd rather do those. I did manage to work distraction-free for maybe 1.5 hours though.

Pass the JLPT N1 in Dec 2022
I uncovered an N1 book in....Chinese...that a friend gave me some years ago. But it doesn't really matter because all the practice problems are in Japanese so this will be a really useful resource. I'll start going through this book tomorrow.