Been stewing on this story for a while and letting it develop, and I mentioned I'd talk about it at some point. It concluded today.
I approached a chick on 2/8 on campus with "you're cute as fuck". She's like "oh, you're so confident". She was on her way to get a covid test so we just chatted and then exchanged.
First date
We met up for a first date last Wednesday. Plan was to meet at a bubble tea shop near my place at 5:30pm. She said she had to be at the airport at 7:30pm, so I figured ok sure that's enough time.
I was in traffic on my way home from the office so I texted her at 5:07pm that I'm going to be 5 minutes late. She's like okay, I'm on my way and arrives on time. She asks me "where are you?" I'm like "give me 5 minutes".
I show up but she's not there. I call her and she's like "oh I went to go grab something from my place, can you order a tea for me?". uhhh lol okay. I waited probably 15-20 minutes and called her again. She said she was at the bubble tea shop but she can't see me. Turns out she went to a
different
shop. And to add to the confusion,
she did actually show up to the correct shop at 5:30
but decided to go to a different one for some reason (???).
Anyway I text her to meet me at this one area on campus in the middle and I head over there. I open my phone and she tells me that she wants to meet somewhere else. This chick literally can't follow directions, seriously. Well we finally met up at the place she said around 6:10pm and I hand over her tea.
We are walking towards my place (20ish minute walk). Out of curiosity I asked where she was flying out to. She kept telling me it's a secret. I was like wtf, okay. Later I kept joking with her sometimes when she would ask me things that it's a secret. I suggest several times we can chill inside for a bit and then I'll take her to the airport. She keeps bringing up how she "doesn't trust me" and etc. I'm like, you aren't even just telling me out of basic convo where you're flying out to.
She also keeps saying we need to hurry up, even thought it was like 6:30pm or something. I'm like relax, the airport is 8 minutes away, we'll be at my place in like another 5-10 minutes. What time's your flight anyway? She refused to tell me.
We arrived outside my place and I told her she should come in. She brought up the trust thing again, and I was like well I don't even trust you, why can't you just tell me what city you're visiting? Turns out she misunderstood what I was asking and thought I was trying to probe into her plans for the night. Additionally, she wasn't even flying out anywhere, she just wanted to go to the airport to pick up a car rental. Since it was kind of a miscommunication between both of us, I decided we can just chill outside and I'll take her to the airport and we can meet again later.
When I took her to the airport, I accidentally drove into the wrong ramp and I would have had to pay to advance forward. So I literally tried to back out of the ramp back onto the main road. Took me 3 tries because oncoming cars had to travel on the ramp and I had to go forward, move to the side to let them through, and try again. I told the girl that this was the weirdest first date I've ever been on.
I finally dropped her off and I was like, well that was a massive waste of time.
But then a random number texted me thanking me for the backwards drive and she had fun. I was like wtf do u have 2 phones. Apparently she got a new phone and I was the first person she texted.
She invited me to see some jazz show with her the next week. Probably if I had more experience I wouldn't have gone, and I got advice from many guys to just block+erase her. But since I have so little experience with girls, I decided I need this date to happen and let it play out for my own memory bank. Plus, I like jazz.
Second date
She tells me to purchase the tickets and she'll pay me back. I'm like okay sure. When we met up she immediately paid back without me asking.
We sat in our seats but she was already acting really weird. She kept telling me "omg you take up so much space" and not letting me get near her. I was like yeah, I need like 3 chairs and lay down across the chairs and leaned into her. She pushed me off. Besides that, just boring chat about music and etc.
The show started and the music was great. The singer told the audience "you guys need to loosen up, I give you permission to get loose". The girl told me "yeah you can get loose in those chairs over there". I pretended I misunderstood and asked "what did you say". She remained silent. Later some people sat in the chairs next to me and she said "oh, you lost your chance to get loose."
At this point I was just thinking, I didn't do 1600+ approaches to get a girl who is going to be hyper unreceptive to me touching her. And I had that date in Austin who refused to give me a hug at the start of the date and was unreceptive the entire time:
viewtopic.php?p=24002#p24002
. So I just imagined myself taking 20-30+ deflections in a row at the mall and zoned into that feeling.
I touched her arm here and there in between comments and she nonreacted. Eventually I put my arm over her. She lifted her back up and told me "can you get your arm off of me please." I instantly got up and walked out of the show. Went outside and realized I forgot my jacket. Walked back in to grab my jacket and walked back out.
I maybe felt a little bad for the performers because I did enjoy the music, but I'm not going to put up with some chick who refuses to let me touch her on a
second date
.
Went to go eat some Mexican food and took 2 aggressive deflections on my way back home. Life goes on.
Fri 2022-02-18 16:40
Sat 2022-02-19 00:02
The only thing that may have been true is "the timing was wrong". But if the timing was wrong on the second date to put my arm over a girl, then I can meet someone else (I know you likely meant in the micro scale in terms of perhaps "she wasn't comfortable in the moment", but still). There were various points between the first and second date where anytime I did anything involving physical touch she reacted pretty strangely to it. Maybe I could have brought it up to her if we kept meeting up but I didn't like being around her.
Yeah but I didn't. I said I only went on the second date due to my own lack of experience, and to see if maybe the first date was just pure miscommunication and maybe I'll give it another run.
It was, though this girl tended to specifically take it in weird ways. For example she was $3 short when paying me back and I joked "oh you owe me a Gatorade later", and her immediate thought was "I have work after this". Wasn't even saying that I wanted to spend more time with her after (which I was probably going to propose depending on how much I enjoyed the time on this date).
I don't think "having 3 plates" is a prerequisite for not forcing yourself into situations where you're wasting your time. And yeah, maybe by all means by the 7th date we could start holding hands but I'm not interested in that. This isn't the first date I've ever been on.
Yeah, exactly.
Sat 2022-02-19 00:48
Yeah, like I get that I could have made this work and I appreciate the alternative perspective from @Adrizzle . I also understand I'm not entitled to this girl, or any girl, reacting positively to something I do but it goes both ways. I see this date as she put up a bunch of filters and I failed to pass through them, and I put up my own filters and she failed to pass through mine. Someone's gotta break first and I decided I wanted to be the one to break for the first time.pancakemouse wrote: ↑Sat 2022-02-19 00:40Hard disagree. Her behavior indicates that she's a timewaster at best, lunatic at worst.
Sat 2022-02-19 02:51
Yeah these are bad. I was letting "this power" get to my head "because I could do it". I need to log more of my approach sessions again. I've been working on non-reacting and ejecting when I know the girl(s) are unreceptive and keeping it under control.Ed_ wrote: ↑Sat 2022-02-19 02:40colgate wrote: ↑Sun 2022-02-13 19:32I look at some chick maybe 10 feet away and she looks at me. Starts darting off, I didn't even approach. I just kept staring at her and tailing her from a distance, and she darts into a shoe store. I stand in place, at least 20 feet away from her but I look at her.colgate wrote: ↑Sun 2022-02-13 19:32I can kind of tell they're already hyper scared and want to change trajectory/avoid me so I just go slightly ahead of them straight to the top of the down escalator. They both go into the top of the up escalator. I forced this entire trajectory and bust out laughing and make fun of them for trying to go down the up escalator for like a whole minute and then leave.Agree with @Heisenberg , this sort of "alpha male social control" is just weird and not the kind of behavior I'd expect from a guy who's genuinely trying to get laid.colgate wrote: ↑Sun 2022-02-13 19:32Later I run into her again and she sees me and hides behind a digital sign. I just stand in place for about a minute. Then she gives up and comes out and I stare at her, still standing still. She keeps looking at me and then literally runs away like a little bunny.
And I don't buy the excuse that "these are failed approaches, so I'm just having fun with myself." The fact that you're acting like this towards so many women means something else is going in your psyche and motivation.
Why not just move on when chicks clearly aren't interested? If you want to fuck around and have fun with chicks, it should be a two-way street where they enjoy the interaction too -- not chasing girls out of stores, girls being "hyper scared", girls hiding from you in shops, and girls "literally running away" from you.
Seriously @colgate , reread your field report from the view of an objective 3rd part. Are those the interactions of a well adjusted, young man who's trying to get meet women and have sex, or something else?
Honestly I think a lot of these behaviors manifested from literally being salty from taking lots of harsh deflections in a row, and it's quite immature. The real test is to take all the rejections and remain stoic about them.
Thanks for calling me out guys.
Mon 2022-02-21 12:26
Thanks everyone for the comments calling me out on some of my recent behaviors. I specifically wrote that post because I knew I was doing something wrong, and I wanted to pivot away from those behaviors (should have been obvious in the second half after the long list of crazy incidents). And yeah, my goal isn't "be a sociopath".
I didn't really want to end the discussion/callouts just with this post since I just wrote it really quickly to acknowledge that I agree with being called out for this. So don't think I was just brushing you guys off. But I've had to let some of my thoughts sit for a while over the week and while I've been approaching to write up a proper response.colgate wrote: ↑Sat 2022-02-19 02:51Yeah these are bad. I was letting "this power" get to my head "because I could do it". I need to log more of my approach sessions again. I've been working on non-reacting and ejecting when I know the girl(s) are unreceptive and keeping it under control.
Honestly I think a lot of these behaviors manifested from literally being salty from taking lots of harsh deflections in a row, and it's quite immature. The real test is to take all the rejections and remain stoic about them.
Thanks for calling me out guys.
I've periodically looked at the recent posts in my log with a sense of shame and irritation. But I think it was an important learning stage to go through, especially since I've said several times in this log that I was quite socially disconnected and had trouble with empathy. In other words, I think this has actually created a path towards emotional intelligence, whereas before I didn't know how to do that exactly.
A lot of those "frame battles" I mentioned in that post could basically be boiled down to:
my lack of awareness for how I'm coming off to the girl + my perception that her fear is completely unwarranted and overblown -> i decide to take advantage of her "unwarranted" fear state for my own amusement
Maybe it's approach inverse anxiety. In other words, I've been unnecessarily inducing anxiety in girls from my approaches. This is worse than regular approach anxiety because at least with approach/interaction anxiety, you could still by all means go on to exchange/date the girl you're approaching. But with this approach inverse anxiety, there's no possible way, you've scared her out of your market.
The awareness I've gained is that most people, especially girls live in fear. The maturity step here is being empathetic to the fear, and either attempting to alleviate the fear if possible, or simply moving on if not without further exacerbating the fear for "my own amusement". I'm not saying this "maturity step" as an attempt to justify my actions or gain validation for "wow I'm going to be such a good person!", but rather realizing that taking actions that just drill people's fears further into the ground is only going to make their fear worse, rather than improve it for the future.
Granted, you can't always alleviate the fear of every girl, and it's not your responsibility to. In those cases, you must non-react, and move on. Don't try to scare her even more than she already is.
One thing I had started doing was asking certain girls who looked a little intimidated/shy/quiet if they were nervous. Initially I went into this by straight up breaking the ice bluntly with "are you a little nervous?" and depending on the girl I'd get her to open up and start acting bubbly, or she'd continue being shy/nervous but maybe follow along, or I could sense she wanted to run off so I'd eject. @pancakemouse had told me you can take this a step further and use statements of empathy instead of just plainly pointing it out, such as "oh my bad, didn't mean to scare you". I would like some more advice on this point by the way, essentially how can I better express that I understand the girl's discomfort/fear?
I have some more reflections I'm probably going to type up over the next few days because I got stuck in a new AirBNB with a freaking gap in the wall to the neighboring room. So look out for that.
Wed 2022-02-23 19:14
I've done probably 400-500+ approaches at the mall here since I moved to California about a month ago. I mainly stopped logging my approach sessions here because I enjoy approaching and it's just part of my life, so I don't know what the value is in reporting every single session and instadate like I used to. But let me know if you guys want to see that again.
I had probably 10+ instadates within those approaches. I initially started with the Lord Voldemort style where you have boring chat for 10-15 minutes and then repeatedly spam pull attempts over and over verbally until she supposedly acquiesces.
That doesn't freaking work.
And frankly it's a waste of time and actually needy. Even if you do manage to pull, you haven't screened the girl for being comfortable with physical/sexual things, so you'll just get a chick who's unreceptive to do anything in the bedroom. It happened to me on one instadate+pull I had over the last weekend where she came back without me pushing at all, but didn't want to have any physical contact.
I've posted about this instadate:
viewtopic.php?p=29248#p29248
where I started experimenting with escalating on girls, and generally having fun and doing what I want during the instadate. The reason I started doing this is 1) I want to get something out of the instadate instead of walking away feeling like it was a waste of time and 2) I want to be able to screen out chicks who aren't down to do what I want so I can eject from those earlier, rather than continuing the interaction and ending up with a girl who wants me to be her task monkey:
viewtopic.php?p=29530#p29530
And in general, I've been trying to have more positive interactions and not treating the mall like it's some simulation where I can abuse the objects inside of it for my own amusement. This part of
@MILFandCookies
's comment particularly stuck with me.
I was actually kind of pissed about it because I wanted to prove "no I'm not, what are you talking about!!". And I was especially a little irritated that no one really responded to my question in the previous post in my log.MILFandCookies wrote: ↑Mon 2022-02-21 01:00Get your fucking act together. I'm legit scared you're going in a very very dark direction.
But regardless, I've cut out the mind game manipulative bulllshit. Also in general, I've been trying to avoid posting mid-session reports and offtopic shit into the daygame chat. I have a lot to say about it in the future maybe, but it'll probably be revealed in chunks over future posts, rather than this bombshell comment @pancakemouse made: viewtopic.php?p=29820#p29820
As he said in his log, I met up with @pancakemouse over the weekend and we had a mega-sesh together where he watched most of my approaches. I did around 60-70 approaches in probably 6-7 hours (which is slower than I usually go, but we were having fun and he was mentoring me a lot in between). I'll be mentioning specific things he's told me when I do them on future approaches, but the big points were "ditch interviewing chicks, make the conversation about you AND her as much as possible, don't jump to the instadate invite immediately upon opening her".
One thing that can make cold approach pulls relatively low percentages compared to online dating pulls is that when you meet a chick from a dating app, she probably has some expectation that this might lead to something sexual, even if you don't really escalate. I was talking about this with @Manganiello . But on cold approach, you pretty much have to screen earlier and up front, on approaches as much as possible, and definitely on dates. I was pretty much not doing that at all, and as a result got a lot of "resistance" from pull attempts. Most guys from multiple places have told me they hardly get resistance on pulls because they escalate and e.g. "go for the makeout" during the date , rather than just spamming the girl and hoping she comes back, and maybe if she comes back, hoping she'll be down to get physical/sexual.
So I've realized I need to make my approaches a microcosm of how future interactions should go with the girl I'm approaching.
colgate what the fuck does that mean???
In other words, escalating even on the approach, and doing what you want in general, etc. I'd like my approaches to look closer to some of @KillYourInnerLoser 's stories, such as this one: https://killyourinnerloser.com/the-poli ... -approach/ I've done so many approaches where it just ends up becoming hyper-platonic, and I've identified that's the reason back in November in Austin, despite having so many dates, I had so many girls that didn't seem to be down to come back to my place, and hated being touched, and just wanted "good conversation". My goal is to be able to screen these chicks out and take the rejection on the approach instead of during the pull attempts on the date. Combined with the above paragraph, I've actually been getting ghosted far less recently and have 2 potential dates lined up this weekend.
now here's a story
I did literally 3 approaches today at the mall.
Not 30.
Not 60.
3.
I do want to point out it's extreme luck, but regardless here's what happened.
first instantly rejected, second was awkwardly holding convo and then went off to go meet her friend and i parted ways.
i see this HOT AF barbie asian chick with a short skirt and long boots
I'm like holy shit
literally say "you look fucking hot"
"you're like an alien or some shit"
she's probably 5'6". I'm 5'5"
she looks like she's in her 30s but otherwise ultra hot
chat while walking around mall for 5-10 minutes. didn't pitch an instadate immediately as i used to. just did the approach in a fun, playful way and teased her a bunch. like jokingly giving her shit for going to a different school than i had. that's my approach style lately, i just enjoy making exaggerated reactions when girls have a preference for something i personally don't like.
at some point I'm like "you're my 21 year old gf now"
she's like "but...but... I'm..." "no between you and i, you're 21"
this was a cool line because there were several points in the interaction where she kept trying to make herself seem younger, and i think it was because of this.
after i've decided we're vibing and i've done some light physical touches here and there, i pitch the instadate for bubble tea across the street in the outdoor mall.
she agrees instantly
i have my arm around her while we wait for teas. paid separately
told her i know a better spot for us to sit and lead her over there with my arm over her shoulder.
she takes off her mask to drink the tea and has these luscious plump red lips . i'm like holy fuckkkkkk she's so hottttttttt wow.
we go sit down at the spot.
i put on some club music on my phone and tell her "let me show you some dance moves, stand up"
i spin her around with both hands and she giggles "omg...this is so embarrassing I'm shy..."
dance for maybe a minute and then sit down and listen to more music on my phone
i play some weeb ass anime music because i can
then I'm like "okay the audio quality sucks, let's go in my car and listen to music"
she agrees instantly
then we hold hands and walk to my car. listen to more music there
i have my arm around her and then i fondle her inner thigh.
then i decide to go for the makeout
we touch lips for 0.5 seconds and she pulls back like "omg no I don't even know your name"
-> i haven't been introducing myself up front lately because who cares, so yeah she didn't know my name
i was like "i know yours" (i saw it on her bubble tea order)
she's like how??
i tell her and she's like omg???? I'm like yeah I have a computer in my brain actually
anyway, more music listening
try the makeout again, deflects with "no omg we just met...." so i stopped trying that because I'm not desperate to make out with a girl
i suggest we watch a movie at my place
she agrees instantly . wow i didn't have to push 10x like an asshole? who knew??? (thanks @Ed_ for making me aware of this a month ago here: viewtopic.php?p=27016#p27016 . at the time i had no idea how it was possible, but recent realizations with "the approach should be a microcosm of future interactions" have made me see how this could actually happen, and i think it's working)
we drive 5-10 mins to my place, she takes off her boots and omg she has great legs and white toenail polish. I'm like hell yeah
we cuddle on my bed as we watch movie on my computer. her head is on my chest
I'm like "do u like abs" she's like yeah. i pull up my shirt and tell her to feel my abs while i flex. she's like "ooooh" ( @pancakemouse had some chicks feel my abs on a duo approach we did on Saturday so i stole this idea from him)
at this point I'm like okay, maybe she'd be down to makeout?
said, "hey, look at me"
deflects makeout again like "omg i thought we were just watching a movie"
so I don't try to makeout again for the rest of the interaction. I'm just testing to see what she's into and what she's not
still cuddling. i try to feel her up in various places. got maybe 2-3 in from her pussy with my hand and she pulls it away. tried feeling her breasts, pulls away, etc etc. she rejects in the cutest way possible like "omg we just met" and holds my hand every time
but she put my hand over her breast over her clothes a few times and I was playing with them like that. then i'd try to go in her shirt and she was like omg no. i call her out like "u keep putting my hand on your boob" she's like "omg no I'm not" it was pretty adorable tbh
anyway i give up on that plan. time to focus on myself
slowly take off my belt
watch movie
unbutton pants
watch movie
unzip pants
watch movie
I'm only like 20-30% hard tho because i was a little turned off from her deflections
so i play with my cock under boxers to get hard. dunno if this will help guys with ED (i dont have it), but I found it was easier to get hard when i flexed my glutes (kegels??). so try that
anyway, i try to move her hand towards it but she deflects.
I'm like ok. watch movie for a bit, then i pull it out
she's like "omg....do u do this to all the girls u bring back here????"
I'm like yeah, all the time (this is the first girl I've gotten this far with)
i put it away and watch movie
then a little later i pull it out again. she doesn't say anything. i jerk myself off a little bit. try to get her hand on it, no dice.
so i put it away.
then we get into a long convo about indian food and how this movie sux and how most movies suck because they exaggerate scenes where "omg this guy is gonna kill this other guy"
while still cuddling. some other weak attempts at feeling her up but continually declined.
i decide ok, clearly she isn't down for this so i just tell her we'll watch rest of movie and I'll drop you to station after
we arrive 20-30 min early at station.
first we walk to the station. she keeps coming closer to me so i put my arm over her. she says it's too cold let's go wait in your car.
we make plans for later to drink fireball and go bowling next time. but there's a possibility she'll ghost. so who knows
listen to music in car while cuddling. just brushed her hair and shit. i figured ok, we literally already made plans again so whether or not you actually show up again i don't see a point in trying to do some last minute escalation. but who knows.
walk back to station, she pulls down her mask and gives me the worst kiss of all time
I'm like damn that kiss sucked
i try again but she goes in turnstiles.
that's it
--
Anyway so this is a huge milestone for me. I'm not sure if my bedroom calibration was off, so let me know if there's anything else I could have tried.
But I know taking 30 instant deflections in a row at the mall is worth it now because I can pull to my place from there now. Mainly with the new change of making the approach a microcosm of future interactions by having more fun interactions instead of boring interviews and chats, and escalating as much as possible on the approach/instadate. I also did a lot of "you and her" type things such as projecting us going to National Parks together and cooking, etc in the future. I've been doing that a lot lately on approaches, and @pancakemouse has encouraged me a lot.
Big things coming here hopefully lol.
Wed 2022-02-23 19:31
I've felt a girl's titties before through her shirt (the first time I pulled in Austin), but this chick had slightly bigger boobs so that was great. And I can't get tired of feeling boobies lolol
Sat 2022-02-26 15:50
I was out approaching with my friend on 2/16 at the mall. He told me "you like chocolate?" "Yeah." "there's one right there".
She was a 19 year old Ethiopian chick who was pretty receptive to me and touching my arm. At this point I was thinking, great this is some +BSU shit now she'll ghost, since I've usually never had a chick who acts really "positively" to my approach come through, or she acts weird on the date. It's usually more "neutral" chicks.
We scheduled a date for last Saturday, but she didn't respond to my confirmation text. I was out approaching with
@pancakemouse
and he told me to send this:
I ran into her in the mall while I was approaching yesterday evening, without a mask this time. Holy shit, she looked like she was in high school. Had braces and all. I was like wow excellent.
Okay, date time. We met tonight at 6pm. I waited for her by another shop and she shows up and I immediately put my arm around her as we walk to Starbucks. Mostly boring chat in the Starbucks for a bit. She asks me if I'm a virgin. I almost said no, and it came out like "nYes". She was like "lol were you about to say no???" I was like...yeah lol. She told me she was "saving herself for marriage".
This kind of psyched me out for a little bit but I changed the subject and kept talking. I had a plan in mind anyway for how I wanted the date to go and didn't deviate from it. Essentially, I was going to follow the template I did with the Asian barbie chick from Tuesday. Bounce to outside and listen to music on my phone, do some more light physical escalation and cringey club dance moves in public, then pull to car with "let's listen to some more music in my car".
So we did all of that. When I went for the car pull, she wanted to walk around the outdoor mall for 10 minutes. So rather than being an asshole and pushing to go directly to my car 10x, I was like okay sure and we walked around. Then I said, "okay we'll do another lap and then head over to my car" and she agreed.
She was telling me that she just got out of some weird love triangle and then she told her friend that I approached her and that her friend said she should go for it. So I guess I somehow got friend approval.
Back at my car, we listened to music for maybe 3-4 minutes.
Then her friend called her to tell her that she arrived at the mall. Apparently they had plans after our date.
She asked me what were my plans, and I said I didn't have any. Immediately, like I was being trolled by the gods, my friend calls me and also asks me if I can meet him tomorrow for something.
Okay, so I was on a time crunch here. I told the girl "we'll wait for this song to finish and then you can go".
And then I took her cheek and went for the kiss. Like the Asian barbie doll, we touched lips for 0.5 seconds and then she pulled back. She was like "kiss???? on the first date????" I was like yeah.
She started coming closer to me and nuzzling her head on my chest while we talked and listened to more music. I think she was trying to process what just happened or something.
Then she sat up and said "what's the farthest you've gone?" I ended up fibbing and telling her I've gotten a handjob before and sucked titties. I know KYIL is really against lying and promotes 100% honesty but I have conflicting information from various sources on this and so I just winged it. I think it didn't matter what I said though, I could have just been 100% honest and nothing else would have changed. But she told me she's gotten her titties sucked before and that's the farthest she's gone.
"....u wanted to make out with me that badly?"
"yeah"
"i suck at making out idk...."
"i'll teach you"
So we started kissing, and she immediately got all up in my hair and hands over my body like the classroom makeout chick in Nashville did back in September. I was like oh shit.............shit.................................
I got in her shirt and then felt her breasts over her bra. Then I spent a whole minute trying to figure out how to freaking undo her bra. Got tired of that and straight up told her to take off her bra. She giggled and unfastened it for me (really need to learn how to take off bras).
We continued making out while I felt her bare titty. I was squeezing the nipple and shit and she was moaning. wtf a girl is actually into this????????
I pulled her shirt up and started sucking her titty, lightly biting it, sucking, going back to making out and shit. Started choking her while I was sucking her titty and while we were making out.
Then I completely disengaged and stared her right in the eyes like I was shooting an arrow.
You're not a good girl. I'm not giving you anymore.
She immediately and aggressively pulled me back into her face and we started making out again. Pretty much the same deal as before for a bit. Possibly gave her a hickey too, I kind of don't remember.
I was unbuttoning my pants when suddenly...
"hey my phone is vibrating hold on"
Okay so her friend called again and she said she has to go. So I was like alright and she had me fasten her bra again and put her clothes back on. Final kiss goodbye and she was off. And I'm blueballed again with another solid pull+no hookup.
--
Thoughts/feelings
So before this date happened, I was pretty unenthusiastic about it because she didn't get to my confirmation text until like 6 hours later. The only reason I was kind of down is because in the past (as you can see in my logs), all chicks who have acted "overly positively" to me (+BSU) have usually ghosted or made the date really difficult for me. So I was kind of expecting more of that.
Troy was encouraging me with "or maybe this girl is actually into you", but I didn't really believe him.
But then during the fooling around in the car and afterwards I'm like, wait holy shit a chick can actually be into me and I don't have to push like an asshole to get what I want??? As I've said in this log in previous posts, I had a lot of insecurities about my "gay vibes". And additionally, I actually started becoming insecure about my looks and masculinity from seeing how my own results stack up to other guys'. At the end of the day, it just means I have to work harder and hustle in different areas, but it was still a feeling I had. But I guess 1650+ approaches later, you find a chick who seems to actually like you and isn't just "fawning" as a nervous reaction.
And additionally, my approach interactions have been improving and I've been discovering new ways to have more effective approaches, so no doubt that's been helping quite a bit.
I'm getting close lol.
oh, by the way, the Asian barbie bimbo from Tuesday blocked me on WhatsApp. Great.
Mon 2022-02-28 16:45
I think I'll actually batch log some of my approach sessions along with thoughts like I did in Austin again. I'm just discovering so much more I need to work on and observing how nearly each session I've been evolving differently so I'll be writing about them, and hopefully get some more feedback.
Saturday 2/26
: 6#/57, 1 ID.
Went out with
@pancakemouse
again, who counted each of my approaches this time. I really need to get out of interview mode with approaches (asking what the girl does for work/school and other boring questions). I've been getting alright at making up elaborate stories with the girl and myself going on a romantic vacation to some national park and watching the stars or telling her to quit her job and I'll quit mine and coming up with some fantastical company combining our skills. Also in general, I've been trying to physically escalate a little bit on approaches (touching her arm a bunch here and there while making points), but I think I could do way better with escalation.
And I've also been going indirect when approaching sitting/doing nothing girls. pancakemouse made the observation that my approaches were very creepy/weird when the girl was just sitting, compared to when I stop them while walking. For sitting girls, I basically just said "hey, you're pretty" in a very robotic tone somehow. I think if I stop a girl walking, I get some kind of "rush" and I can give off a very confident and direct vibe. Going indirect initially ("hey what's up", "enjoying that tea?", "waiting for someone"), starting some conversational momentum, and then breaking the bullshit with a direct compliment at some point has gotten me having better sitdown low-energy approaches.
I had an instadate with a chick I didn't find that attractive, but I decided to go for it because she looked like she was doing nothing. All I could think of during the date was how much hotter the Ethiopian girl from Friday night was and sucking her titties. I tried imagining myself escalating on this chick too, but I couldn't stop thinking about the other girl, and instead made cringe forced platonic convo throughout the date. I weakly attempted a bounce to listen to music on my phone in the park (which has been my plan lately), but she said that she just wanted to stay in the cafe. After weakly probing future date logistics just on autopilot, I basically left without exchanging.
This data point was actually extremely valuable because it was a habit I had, just to approach girls looking like they were doing nothing because I could instadate them and see what would happen. But now that I have a singular point of passionately fooling around, I have a clearer vision of why I'm approaching in the first place.
I wanna suck some titties!!!!!!!!!!
. We went back to the mall and I started only approaching girls where I thought zero about "hmmmm ehhh fuck it I'll do it".
Here's an approach I did on a Japanese girl:
And here's why my volume is so insanely high lately:
^ this stop is a bit wimpier than I thought, but most of my approaches at this mall either look like this or I can't get past the opener (waves me off, "I have a boyfriend", etc). Just mentioning this because some people might be looking at my log like "how the fuck are you going like 3 for 70, when I do 70 approaches I get like 15 numbers, 2 dates, and a lay". It's because this is basically the majority of approaches at this mall. If you do 70 approaches on a college campus over a few days or maybe grocery stores over a few weeks then maybe, sure.
Sunday 2/27
: 3#/70.
Entered the mall and got 30+ rejections in a row. And literally only one of those approaches was some forced awkward convo that ultimately ended in a rejection, the rest were all instant blowouts/deflections. This kind of dynamic happens maybe 1 of every 4-5 sessions at this mall, but it hasn't happened for me since Valentine's day (I had a lucky week last week).
As I said in previous logs, the real test is to be able to handle these in stride and truly embrace rejection, instead of being butthurt about it and reacting by e.g. telling girls to gtfo and playing stupid games. So I got tested. Did lots of deep breathing in between approaches and tried to slow the fuck down and not amp myself up.
I ran into K (the wing who told me I need to "go for the makeout" even on instadates and you won't have as much of a hard time with pulls, and ultimately helped me realized that escalation is important on approaches) mid-sesh. He pushed me to do a bunch of group sets. I've been deliberately skipping groups lately because I feel like I can zone in on the interaction much more with a solo girl and potentially instadate, but he's gotten laid from groups and I've been missing out on a lot of hot girls just because I don't bother with the groups. I think I've said in previous posts that I used to not even see the group when approaching, but somehow I started just only doing solo chicks because I've wanted to instadate+escalate lately, and I felt a lot of anxiety trying something like that with a girl in a group. But you just have to treat groups like a solo, and maybe you can acknowledge the group if you want. This also would force me to have more solid interactions with these girls, because I basically can't instadate them, and I have to go for their number at some point. I think it'll also improve my general social skills too, doing more groups again.
How to embrace rejection
I had one approach where I went up to a girl waiting for bubble tea. She was kind of neutral to it, then her bubble tea came so I just waited near the area where I approached her. It was off to the side so if she wanted to leave without acknowledging me again, she could. But she told me, "hey I have to go meet some friends right now" without me asking her. I decided to hail mary while touching her arm and probe for a future date, since she was in a rush. She was kind of like "uhhh...uh....". I've noticed this kind of a response is a sign of fear in a girl, and in theory, I could just extract her number right there so I can get ghosted, but I tried something else this time.
"Look, I wanna get your number, but if you don't want to do that, that's fine. I'm not forcing you to give me your number. You can go if you want. But I'd like your number because I'm interested."
"Actually yeah, I'm not really looking for anything...sorry..."
So I was just like alright cool. Then she suddenly warmed up and got all bubbly. She lit up and told me her name and stuck out her hand for me to shake it.
I had 0.5 seconds of feeling like I wanted to ignore the handshake and telling her she can leave, but I slowed down and remembered I'm trying to cool it and actually embrace rejection, rather than being bitter and pissed about it. This is also right in the middle of probably going 1#/40 at this point in the session, and with a number I thought is probably not even that solid.
So I accepted the handshake and told her my name and told her to have fun with her friends. I guess this is what "embracing rejection" actually means.
I've said this in previous logs but I've noticed a trend of girls getting overly bubbly when they have already "convinced themselves" they aren't going to see you again, or that it'll be "impossible" to see you again (out of town, boyfriend, married, etc). If there's any evidence of this observation, it's this approach. It's easy to get salty about this, especially if you're coming from a mindset of "oh she's just getting off to my validation of her, and I'm getting nothing out of it", this transactional mindset. But I think if your compliments need to come from a place of genuine desire and attraction, then you can appreciate something beautiful without expecting something in return.
Sat 2022-03-05 15:53
Daygame
Tuesday 3/1: 3#/30
Wednesday 3/2: 9#/25, 1 instadate+pull (campus 6#/15, mall 3#/10)
Friday 3/4: 0#/20
I have some stories and new insights but I'll share them in the future. But I went on a date with the Japanese chick pancakemouse got on video in my previous log and did the colgate standard of pulling+cuddling. I decided to go full-on gf mode for this one, given that she seemed pretty reserved and deflected making out initially, but was down to cuddle and hold hands. So it's like, that's cool, and I withheld a lot at certain points. Not sure if that was a good idea or not, but we're about to find out probably next week.
Also the Ethiopian chick from last week has ghosted me so far.
--
Had a very emotional approach session today that was akin to my early ones which essentially ended up being a therapy session.
I entered the mall with the following thoughts clouding my head:
- Why don't I have the looks that girls would like?
- Why do I have low self-esteem and a low sense of confidence in who I am?
Those were thoughts that permeated my head and I couldn't focus at all.
Sat down on a chair and wrote this up on my phone maybe 4 approaches in.
Are you worth it?
No.
You're small, you're weak, you're emasculated.
You're not good at anything. You're a quitter.
You just want comfort.
Okay, live in your fucking comfortable bubble.
And die.
Use up all of the oxygen in the bubble and slowly suffocate to death.
At least you can die happy.
By tricking yourself into artificially releasing dopamine when you deserve none of it.
That's your destiny.
Billions of years of everyone hustling to procreate and make life better for their offspring ends on you dying in complacency and satiation.
Are you worth it?
How about you make yourself worth it.
You can't do it all right now, it's not something that happens instantaneously.
It's about trusting the process even if you don't see the outcomes right now.
Motivate your fucking self.
No one wants to validate you.
People couldn't care less if you shriveled up and drifted away in the cold wind.
The only person who can determine your worth is you.
Nobody cares if you "want" to do it
Nobody cares if you "don't want" to do it
Do you need to do it?
Then do it. Shut up and do it.
Caring so much about what you "want" to do right now is why you're
Small, weak, and emasculated.
Quitters do what they want
Winners do what they need
Are you worth it?
Turn yourself into someone who's worth it.
Or die.
Where did all this come from? Well essentially, I've basically been extremely lazy in my lifestyle outside of approach. I literally had to hire a personal trainer to make sure I go to the damn gym, and I probably would have looked much better and been much stronger if I kept up my gym routine since I left Tennessee. Additionally, I waste so much time chatting and on the Internet. My presence in the daygame chat has dwindled quite a bit since I'm finding my own journey deviating from theirs, but I've just replaced it with other addictions. Also, I keep trying to wake up early and I can't do it other than gym days because my appointments are at 7am. Or I'll sit in my car for hours on my phone, or in my bed.
So then I decide to go out and approach, and I already feel like I don't deserve any of these girls. I don't have my own life going on because I'm not keeping up my daily routines very well. And everything I've done in the past, I can only get to a "capable" level and not stellar because I can't keep up practicing them. Just all of these thoughts bubbled up in my head while I was out today especially, and I had to let it all out.
Not specifically looking for advice on this laziness as I know what I need to do. But it's a matter of actually doing it. Hopefully I can look back on this log in a couple months like I can look back on my early logs now and see how far I've come since then.
Turn yourself into someone who's worth it. Or die.
Tuesday 3/1: 3#/30
Wednesday 3/2: 9#/25, 1 instadate+pull (campus 6#/15, mall 3#/10)
Friday 3/4: 0#/20
I have some stories and new insights but I'll share them in the future. But I went on a date with the Japanese chick pancakemouse got on video in my previous log and did the colgate standard of pulling+cuddling. I decided to go full-on gf mode for this one, given that she seemed pretty reserved and deflected making out initially, but was down to cuddle and hold hands. So it's like, that's cool, and I withheld a lot at certain points. Not sure if that was a good idea or not, but we're about to find out probably next week.
Also the Ethiopian chick from last week has ghosted me so far.
--
Had a very emotional approach session today that was akin to my early ones which essentially ended up being a therapy session.
I entered the mall with the following thoughts clouding my head:
- Why don't I have the looks that girls would like?
- Why do I have low self-esteem and a low sense of confidence in who I am?
Those were thoughts that permeated my head and I couldn't focus at all.
Sat down on a chair and wrote this up on my phone maybe 4 approaches in.
Are you worth it?
No.
You're small, you're weak, you're emasculated.
You're not good at anything. You're a quitter.
You just want comfort.
Okay, live in your fucking comfortable bubble.
And die.
Use up all of the oxygen in the bubble and slowly suffocate to death.
At least you can die happy.
By tricking yourself into artificially releasing dopamine when you deserve none of it.
That's your destiny.
Billions of years of everyone hustling to procreate and make life better for their offspring ends on you dying in complacency and satiation.
Are you worth it?
How about you make yourself worth it.
You can't do it all right now, it's not something that happens instantaneously.
It's about trusting the process even if you don't see the outcomes right now.
Motivate your fucking self.
No one wants to validate you.
People couldn't care less if you shriveled up and drifted away in the cold wind.
The only person who can determine your worth is you.
Nobody cares if you "want" to do it
Nobody cares if you "don't want" to do it
Do you need to do it?
Then do it. Shut up and do it.
Caring so much about what you "want" to do right now is why you're
Small, weak, and emasculated.
Quitters do what they want
Winners do what they need
Are you worth it?
Turn yourself into someone who's worth it.
Or die.
Where did all this come from? Well essentially, I've basically been extremely lazy in my lifestyle outside of approach. I literally had to hire a personal trainer to make sure I go to the damn gym, and I probably would have looked much better and been much stronger if I kept up my gym routine since I left Tennessee. Additionally, I waste so much time chatting and on the Internet. My presence in the daygame chat has dwindled quite a bit since I'm finding my own journey deviating from theirs, but I've just replaced it with other addictions. Also, I keep trying to wake up early and I can't do it other than gym days because my appointments are at 7am. Or I'll sit in my car for hours on my phone, or in my bed.
So then I decide to go out and approach, and I already feel like I don't deserve any of these girls. I don't have my own life going on because I'm not keeping up my daily routines very well. And everything I've done in the past, I can only get to a "capable" level and not stellar because I can't keep up practicing them. Just all of these thoughts bubbled up in my head while I was out today especially, and I had to let it all out.
Not specifically looking for advice on this laziness as I know what I need to do. But it's a matter of actually doing it. Hopefully I can look back on this log in a couple months like I can look back on my early logs now and see how far I've come since then.
Turn yourself into someone who's worth it. Or die.