colgate
wrote:
↑
Mon 2021-11-15 12:45
The main component now for actually getting laid is just learning bedroom calibration which is entirely separate, but I'll figure it out.
Random corollary point I want to make about this. It's just something I've wondered for a long time but I think I'll talk about it now because it might provide some value.
You'll see a lot of guys (especially on this forum) talk about how they hooked up with e.g. the 9th girl they ever approached. And say you're literally a virgin or have very little bedroom experience, and you do a couple hundred approaches and you still haven't gotten laid yet. You might be like "wow I'm so unlucky why are these guys hardly approaching compared to me, but hooking up way more?"
One reason could obviously be your interactions are actually terrible. There are actually many guys who are already great at interactions but only have massive approach anxiety. These guys will end up having amazing approach->date conversions and go on to hookup if pushed to approach (my experience with
@lacroix
* over the past week). But I've found that approach anxiety is one of the easier things to get over if you have basically zero experience anyway (e.g. "rejection is normal? girls have never liked me anyway. Yeah, I've been living that my whole life let's fucking go I love approach let's just get rejected woohoo!"). You can literally just get high off of getting rejected (I still do, and I think it's a pretty good mindset to have early on, since it's expected to happen most of the time even if you're "good" anyway), but be very ineffective with approach because you never bothered to figure out the additional anxiety you have with actually interacting with women whom you approach. It's certainly something I have to deal with, and I'm getting better at it now. The actual interactions have a
HUGE
effect on your approach->date conversions. As I said earlier, when I worked on this, I went from 1/250+ for lifetime date conversions to 1/~40 over the past week. But even if you get decent at interactions and handling the anxiety during your interactions, there's another component for effectively getting laid from approach.
Pickup itself doesn't get you laid. It's just for meeting girls and getting them to go on dates with you (even instadates). Getting laid is actually entirely separate from pickup. You could in theory, be killing it on Tinder or OLD as well (getting lots of matches and contacts) and still not hookup (I see OLD as an alternative way to get contacts and dates, still has nothing to actually do with getting laid).
If you have no actual bedroom experience, then you're probably going to be terrible at actually hooking up. If I had more experience, even I could have hooked up with my 2nd approach ever (see my early log from August). But combined with a lot of physical contact anxiety I had at the time and literally zero experience, I couldn't make it happen despite the couple hours of time I spent with her over 2 days. Maybe she wouldn't have been receptive to it anyway at the end of the day, but I will never know because I straight up didn't know how what to do to screen and escalate to find out.
The guys who hookup within less than e.g. <50 lifetime approaches have a little bit of luck perhaps, but I've observed most guys who want to start approach
actually have a lot of bedroom experience already
. Perhaps from ex-girlfriends or OLD. This means that once they actually get the girl on a date (or a couple dates), they end up being able to just use their instincts and experience to consummate the hookup.
I don't know who else but the only guys I've ever known who went hard with approach from literally zero have been myself,
@goldfish
, and
@Manganiello
(actually his log was an inspiration for me before I even joined these forums myself). It's extremely rare for guys with no experience with girls to dive straight into approach.
The main point of writing this post is that guys who start approach from zero experience should understand that they probably won't hookup for a long time even if they perceive themselves at being "decent" at pickup itself. That's due to lack of bedroom experience. It's a separate practice to learn. That's why it's actually
good
advice to do OLD if you have no experience if you can do it effectively just to increase the amount of dates you have, and in turn get better in the bedroom. But regardless of how you actually get girls to meet up with you, it's separate thing to work on.
Maybe an early metric for zero beginners to approach to gauge how they're doing is to look at their approach->date or even contact->date conversions, rather than approach->lay conversions. Yeah, all of us have the end goal of getting laid a lot, but looking at approach->date conversions and date->lay conversions separately is probably more helpful for gauging your own progress.
People can try to verify the above with other people's cold approach logs on this forum. I also predict that if
@Manganiello
and
@goldfish
start approaching again, and being more effective with it (combined with their recent OLD successes, thus helping them massively with the "actually getting laid part"), the meme that Calgary is the worst place to approach will probably dissolve.
I say this because I approached in Nashville, which is known to be a great city to approach in the US, and got terrible results (I literally got 1 non instadate out of probably 400+ approaches in that city), because I only did "high volume" without improving other aspects of my approach. My friend in Austin who used to live in Nashville was approaching only 50~100 girls a week and got laid probably with 60 girls in a year from approach there. Austin isn't magically different somehow for approach but I'm getting better results from pickup from some of the changes I made in my approaches recently and I'm literally getting about the same approach->date conversion rate as my friend now, despite still being a virgin (I had 4 dates scheduled in 4 days, and a couple girls who proposed being free on specific days later this week). For me, I just need to keep going with approach and improve my bedroom calibration over time to get laid consistently with approach.
--
*Was rereading my entire log just now like an egomaniac. You can tell lacroix is great with interacting with girls and people in general because he posted this in my log a month ago. Realized it's something that I've been doing much more on my approaches lately.:
lacroix
wrote:
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Wed 2021-10-13 07:05
"Building an emotional connection"--I really do feel this is so important for making friends, getting girls. It's also not necessarily a contradiction with wanting to get laid a bunch and move real fast with girls, from what I've seen so far. If you can internalize "building an emotional connection"--not as a PUA trick to get into her pants, but simply as a vital part of building any sort of relationship with another human, casual or otherwise--I think you're really going to be on the right track.
