Very brutal week for me. Not in terms of actual approaching, but rather I think I've gone into a state of depression. I have future plans set up but as you know, I don't like revealing "what I'm going to do" on my log until I actually do it.
All I will say regarding future plans is the following (since I've already confirmed them, and it's just logistics):
- Permanently leaving California March 21
- Taking a gamecation to Chicago and Iowa March 22-27 with the same crew I met in Phoenix
- Moving back to Nashville the week of March 28, this time with Troy and
@lacroix
(reuniting my Austin crew lol)
I originally had some long multi-section thing breaking down my motivations, plans, and goals for going back to Nashville, but I decided not to include it in this log. Let's actually reach Nashville first, settle down, actually do them, and then talk about it in the log.
I'll say that Nashville is going to be far more conducive to my main goal of getting laid, and I'm going to be shifting my focus away from daygame now, and more towards elite body, nightgame, and combat sports (for masculinity).
Daygame
I'm going to write a long post about my current feelings and thoughts just to accurately capture my mental state and keep the log real.
I've done roughly ~50 approaches this whole week, which is pretty trash volume from me compared to what I normally do.
instadates
Had some fun instadate on Monday on campus where the girl was initially deadpan when I approached. Literally just called her out on it like "that's a very deadpan reaction" and then she started giggling and became super bubbly. Went for instadate even though she said she had class in 10 minutes and told her to skip it and she agreed. Convo was very fun and I kept teasing her that she had this evil plan to be cute so some gullible guy like me would go up to her and buy her bubble tea. Then we got to the bubble tea shop, and we were about to sit down, and she was like "oh I need to go to class". idk why but i decided to push 0 times and instead gave this sarcastic sigh to play into the joke that she tricked me into buying her free bubble tea. I pitched plans to go bowling later in the week, and then we exchanged. and then she ghosted. so me getting her free bubble tea wasn't a joke lol. why do i keep fucking up random shit like this omfg i literally didnt even ask her to chill with me instead of going to class, not a single time (even tho in the past i've done the total opposite).
Had another instadate that same evening evening which started off great, and we were trying out perfume together in a department store and the clerk thought we were actually a couple. She wanted to share noodles with me at the restaurant we decided to go to (I pitched eating dinner with her because I actually wanted to eat dinner, and she happened to be thinking about it as well). We split the bill. But ultimately I screwed up in a few ways:
- I let her drive us to the restaurant.
She even asked me who should drive
. This is probably dumb and maybe irrelevant, but I just was like "well I guess your car is closer". I think I was in this weird phase where I felt bad for being too aggressive and "trancing" girls to do what I wanted to no avail, and overshot in the other direction now with "oh I'll give the girl more agency or whatever".
- she started using her phone a bunch while we were at the restaurant. only lightly hinted at like "oh u got a lot of emails this late huh?" instead of being more stern about her using her phone. vibe pretty much went from fun and flirty to boring and platonic real fast
Anyway, she drove me to the parking garage where I parked, but refused to drive up to my car (which was on the 3rd floor). I went for a hail mary kiss in her car which she deflected, and said she was "busy the whole week" so couldn't meet again.
i feel like maybe it's because i'm just getting conflicting advice from all over the place and it's clouding my intuition. i just need to be focused on what i want instead of "trying to go with the flow and taking the girl's plans into consideration over mine."
some final straws to break the camel's back
Also had this approach earlier in the day with some SUPER HOT GIRL that went like this:
https://www.sndup.net/zxvm/
It's not "great performance" from me. But she was hyper bubbly and giggly, and I also actually twirled her around at 1:03. I grabbed her contact since she was off to meet a friend.
Then she ghosted.
And then I saw her walking around the next day with friends.
Girls acting "ecstatic" about my approach and then ghosting/not coming through is basically standard for me. I've talked about it before on my log. However, for some reason this one really burned me. I couldn't stop thinking about this chick.
Additionally, I went on a date with a Japanese girl 2 weeks ago and brought her to my place and cuddled (deflected the makeout). Then I invited her over for dinner, and she was like "can I bring a coworker?" Decided to say, "I want you to come alone
![;)](data:image/svg+xml,<svg xmlns="http://www.w3.org/2000/svg" width="32" height="32"><rect fill-opacity="0"/></svg> "Wink")
", she replies with "I want to just be friends, so let's not".
And then I did another approach on Tuesday on a chick with a HUGE ASS that I was aroused over so much, I literally couldn't stop thinking about her on other approaches and kind of blew a bunch. Later, I got a picture of an old lady in
third person
when I texted her.
I know the first thought many people might have upon reading this is just going to be something like "well this is standard bro, it happens to all of us. you just gotta keep going man". And even me from a month ago would comment the same thing.
But I've been spending an inordinate amount of effort for very little (maybe 150-250 approaches a week, 5-10 instadates, but maybe a "regular" date every 2-3 weeks from a contact). And the "regular" dates or responsive contacts I do get seem to always be some weird exceptions because I can't seem to filter for what I want. e.g. the date is somehow arranged so that she conveniently meets her friends <1 hour after the date, or she'll say how she's always busy but wants to just keep texting me (which I usually end up being the one who quits responding).
It's why I've been honing in so much with instadates, but I go into those with the reference experience that I'm never going to see the girl again (I've never had an instadate meet up with me for a second date, and maybe 3-5 times total has an instadate not ghosted me over text), so I basically have to try to pull her. And then let's just say I did hook up with her, or even if we actually fooled around and had fun (like the Asian barbie), I'm pretty sure I'd get ghosted after that too, based on my current experience. It's just not sustainable.
I've also noticed the huge disparity in results between my wing K here and me, so I know it's just me. I think he probably does 20-30 approaches a week and has this rotation of 2 girls giving him head (since we've met) and fooling around with him (no lays, but still) (combined with his gf whom he also met from this mall a while back). I've talked with him and tried to copy some of what he does occasionally, but to nearly no avail (he also does instadates and tries to pull, but usually ends up still getting second+third+ dates where he does pull and fool around).
downward spiral
I did ~20 approaches on both Monday and Tuesday as standard maintenance, but spiraled into doing 3 and 6 over the past two days over multiple hours, respectively.
I received the friendzone text from the Japanese girl on Tuesday evening, which put me in a really bad spiral, taking into consideration all the other girls. Yeah I know my following reaction over the subsequent days is overblown, but it is what it is.
On Thursday I went to the mall and was already distraught. I pretty much had to force myself.
I think the 2nd girl I tried to approach was a total blowout. I refused to let it happen and told her hey, hold on, wait. And then I just shouted "STOP". She retorted "I don't want to talk to you!" and I snapped "fuck off!!" at her. I don't think I'd been this pissed off at a girl since early February.
I had maybe 1 or 2 approaches out of 9 over the past 2 days that was some convo, but ultimately led nowhere. I just felt mechanical and hopeless.
the real approach anxiety program
Additionally, I've actually been pissed off at everyone I see with "mad approach anxiety". Not going to name names. But it's essentially I'm mad at them because I know they would kill it, or have already killed it, and somehow still don't approach girls anyway, while complaining or trying to "figure out how to deal with the anxiety". Here's the real "approach anxiety program".
1. Put yourself on the front lines
2. Approach
2a. If you can't approach, sit down and pull out your notepad, and write down every dark thought and reason for why you can't approach, or why you can't do a certain thing. Break yourself down. Destroy yourself. Drill all the way down to your deepest insecurities. Whatever it takes.
2b. Then just approach anyway.
I invite everyone to try this. It's much quicker and far more effective than doing a 46+ day "program" just to call some girls cute and get their number.
Here's how it panned out for me:
viewtopic.php?p=19551#p19551
.
-
And
@MakingAComeback
did it too:
viewtopic.php?p=26923#p26923
I promise you if you actually try to face your deep insecurities and issues when you try to get over approach anxiety instead of doing a program, you'll be able to dig yourself out and actually approach, and probably most likely actually get laid. You'll additionally reveal to yourself what changes you need to make in your life.
I think any other way is just letting you avoid and dance around your real issues. And it's not even more efficient.
Anyway, I mention all that because it's part of my own frustrations and will partially explain the below writings. I'm putting all of it and as much of it as I can public because I want everyone else to see that I still have so much emotional shit to go through and work out. But it's not an excuse to sit around and not also take action. Use action as your therapy.
I wrote a bunch of stuff on my phone while at the mall on Thursday and Friday. I'll share some of it. Most of it is pretty dark:
behavior devolution
I've become very small and nervous when I approach a girl.
It's like I'm back in Chattanooga.
Except the excitement and novelty of just going up to a girl and saying hi is waning.
It's not that I'm scared she'll reject me.
It's that no matter how I come off they *all* reject me.
I come off as confident and assured, they get scared.
I come off as calm and cool, it's actually awkward.
It's easy to handle rejection and power through when you get some outcomes.
You can say rejection builds confidence when you have outcomes interspersed between the rejections.
But when you're continually let down, when you feel only you are continually let down, it's like what's the point of saying hi in the first place.
Of course when I force myself, I myself feel awkward. It's like I'm doing the girl a disservice by approaching her. She's so attractive that I'm just this nervous babbling mess who can't keep it together. She didn't ask or deserve that.
An attractive woman deserves at the *bare minimum* a confident man who will lead her, regardless of what she's trying to do. She needs a man who can fit her inside the frame he's built. And the frame is sturdy and safe for her.
I'm doing a disservice to attractive girls
Yeah, the girl is attractive and stunning but what about you?
Are you a guy who can provide something of value to the girl?
If not, you're just doing her a disservice.
You're just a moment of spam in her life.
It's all about take take take for you.
Take something from the world.
You're not giving anything of value.
Every other guy has something they can provide to the girl.
Strength, confidence, fun, skills.
You're searching for what you can provide to girls.
You don't know what it is.
It's all about trying to appease her and mold to what she maybe wants.
At least beta cuck guys are willing to be a doormat for the girl
At least guys with low standards are willing to validate unattractive girls for their own pleasure.
At least most other guys are willing to settle with the girl and have no other options for the rest of his life.
Every time you validate a girl, you're just letting her know that she'll have you as a contingency plan.
That's why she wants to be your friend. You'll be there for her just in case.
I'm not eligible to talk to girls
I've been thrown into a cage whilst I see everyone else harvest the fruits of the summer. But maybe the truth was that I was deluding myself into thinking I too was free, I too was able to harvest. Perhaps I've been in the cage this whole time, blissfully unaware. But maybe it took trying to harvest with no avail to realize I was caged in the first place.
---
Why am I not eligible to talk to girls.
A. my mind is lazy. it defaults to being comfortable as much as possible instead of constructive.
B. my decision making is terrible, often i impulsively decide something and it ends up hurting myself or others
C. my body is inferior. it's small, weak, and unskilled. i wouldn't be able to protect others, let alone myself
D. i don't have anything interesting to bring to the table. everything i enjoy is extremely male-centric and/or niche. no one finds it interesting, and the hobbies themselves are introverted and isolating
- that's why I latch onto Japanese so much. it's the one thing I can do that at least gets me in the door with socializing and feeling confident/natural. but it doesn't hold up because it's surface level and falls apart the moment I realize I have nothing else to offer than simply the ability to communicate in another language.
E. I'm not good at anything, especially not anything useful. i have some rudimentary ability in certain niche skills, but nothing of use to others or the world.
F. I don't care about other people's feelings, especially not girls'. Only my own.
---
People will tell you the rejection isn't about you. It's not false. Girls have a state regardless of who the guy is.
But that doesn't mean the girls in a positive state are going to unilaterally accept you, no matter what you do. You can't absolve the responsibility off of yourself.
In my case, each rejection has had a 0.1% tinge of "well she rejected me because of who *I* actually am. there's so many things wrong with me that I could have spent the time to fix and handle, but I didn't. instead I decided that these flaws weren't that bad and approached anyway. but what I didn't realize is that, no, they actually are glaring flaws. I can't get away with this"
The result is that even when you do get the occasional girl who decides to meet up, she just wants to be friends, she just expects you to be a guy who takes it slow, she just expects you to cater to her. It's a mismatch with what you actually want. And somehow you have the entitlement and audacity to reject it anyway, even though you don't really have any other options. It's like you're trying to be a playa when you can't even be a beta.
The process you have gone through isn't useless though. To many, and maybe even yourself it might seem that way. The reality is that it's the most important process you've ever gone through. You've put yourself out there to over 2500 girls, day and night. You deeply understand, without refute, your current placement in the grand scheme of things.
I'm not okay with who I am. I want to completely destroy it and rebuild it from scratch. The only glimmer of hope I have in life is the belief that this is possible. Otherwise, the current values programmed into me have set me up for misery, malaise, and meaninglessness. There's no use for my current existence and it's either change it or die.
--- (i have another section in this but it's more about just talking about different ideas and things i'm doing to handle the "reasons" i made up above)
